careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
