just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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