Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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