4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
