I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
