I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
