first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
