he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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