I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
