i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
