is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
