That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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