Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He passed out mid-signature
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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