I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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