He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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