What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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