after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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