You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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