who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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