Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
