the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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