a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
