you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
