i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
