oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
