why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
