never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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