I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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