I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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