I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
