Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
