the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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