i barfeds in our rink
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
