Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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