I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
