On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think your dad took our porno
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
