I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
