you guys were way drunker than both of me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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