My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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