I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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