What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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