I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
