i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
