She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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