Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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