Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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