Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
