everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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