If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
