just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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