You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The Olympian is in my bed
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