I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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