Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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