"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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