Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
