I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
