the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
