He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
