that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
