what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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