I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have feelings that need drinking.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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